Never Again I’ll Be Harrassed President of a Condo! Might Consider ‘dictator’ But Not Just For Day One!

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION . . . CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION . . .

I’m sorry, I must write this fast because a fire alarm just went off in my building, exhorting me to rush downstairs. The ear-splitting voice keeps reminding me not to take the elevator and I’m still in my underwear.

No, just kidding, this is my false alarm which I hope you’ll forgive me for sounding just to get your attention to such an important topic—condominium sanity.  A.I., change sanity to safety. 

First, I must confess I’m the author of that satirically revengeful book, “King of the Condo,” a hilarious whodunit with an ocean view.

It’s based on my torturous experience as a condo president, after which I promised myself, I’ll never take on that thankless, unpaid job again unless they elect me “dictator” and not just for a day.  Sorry, Mr.  Next President, for me it would have to be for life, mine or the condo commandos.  Also, for governing condos, democracy may not be the best system with resident’s so hostile to that sometimes necessary curse called a special assessment.

Yet, there’s an irrefutable, underlying truth to what I’m about to type, and it is this:  whether you’re the head of a city, company, or condo, you must keep in mind that it takes leadership, also knowing and practicing protocols. 

If you’re not a leader, I’d sit this one out.  Don’t take on the role of his or her majesty in your condo kingdom or you’ll need a wall around your apartment with a moat in front and a couple German Shepherds trained as police dogs.

Seriously, let me step out of my clown costume for a minute, as there is no more serious time for leaders, whether layman or monarchs, to act quickly, decisively, and responsibly than during a crisis, such as that ruffian called a fire alarm.  They’re always intruding at the worst possible time of day or night, repeating . . .            CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION . . . CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION . . .

Fortunately, aside from a few rare disasters such as the fatal condo collapse 2021 in Surfside, Florida, condos and condominium communities are for the most part relatively safe, secure, even desirable places to live, especially for boomers.

These days there are more sensible construction, operations and maintenance staff, standards, and procedures so residents can rest in peace . . . between fire alarms, but please, not during them when you really must exit.  

Still, following emergency protocols is key to keeping condo residents safe during emergencies, from hurricanes to combatting the effects of enemy #1: salt air! It’s the stuff rust is made of that attacks the metal surrounding and supporting your most prized possession, your balcony overlooking the culprit herself, the salty sea. 

If as president you dare to levy a special assessment to pay for balcony restoration, the condo commandos come after you like you’re Nicolás Maduro.   Still, it’s imperative to keep a watchful eye on any construction problems, defects or decay that could result in such calamities as Surfside. 

We condo dwellers occasionally must deal with those necessary nuisances, the alarms, albeit almost always false, sometimes resulting simply from some absent-minded codger burning his toast, but they never give you the pirate’s name. Yet, fire alarms can be torturous ordeals, so how well they are conducted, and how dutifully residents follow instructions are critical . . . and can be lifesaving. 

A typical fire alarm drives residents and their hurriedly dressed children from their apartments often in the dark early morning or night hours.  Advised not to take elevators, they scramble downstairs to presumed safety in a lobby teeming with other distraught residents, anxious security personnel and sometimes frustrated firemen pacing in deafening silence, unable to squelch the maddening siren.      

Sometimes, at off hours a certain condo worker must be summoned to come in to turn off the alarm, which takes more aggravating minutes, encroaching more deeply into nerves and patience thresholds.

While this is heroic on the one worker’s part, it’s evidence of shortcomings on the part of the condo’s leadership.  There needs to be education and training and a plan to follow in such events instead of total reliance on one person.  

Condos need competency to spread out, not be closeted or entrusted to one or two staff, especially as fire alarms tend to go off at unseemly hours.  Those elected to serve on the board and especially as president, have duties they’re expected to perform especially in times of such nerve-wracking emergencies as fire alarms.

Following such a commotion, leaders need to report to their constituencies of fellow residents what caused the alarm to go off, why it continued so long, why was there was such confusion in how to turn it off and most importantly what is being done to prevent such disturbing false fire alarms from happening again!

Next day after a false fire alarm, there needs to be a thorough report explaining what caused it and what steps have been taken to prevent such an event.  Disseminating findings quickly must be emphasized in leadership protocols.

The report from the leadership should include a warning that while the condo board is doing its utmost to prevent false alarms in the future, one of the worst things that can happen would be if residents concluded the next fire alarm is probably false, then go back to sleep.  That could be a fatal decision.

Tom Madden is an author of several books including a satiric whodunnit with an ocean view called “King of the Condo,” about his stressful time as president of a Florida condo.  The book caused such an uproar, he had to leave that condo, and go live now happily in another one where he shares his wit and wisdom with those in charge. His latest book WORDSHINE MAN is about how to make writing inviting and he is the CEO of TransMedia Group, a public relations firm in Boca Raton, FL. One of the services it offers is crisis management to put out fire’s companies cause saying or doing dumb things.