Published On: Wed, Aug 1st, 2012

WAYWARD WIRING

By: Diane Feen

I have a new companion. It keeps me company, informs me of important information and is here for me around the clock. I don’t have to wear make-up, get dressed up and go out, or be witty and charming. My new companion loves me the way I am.

All I have to do is log on and zoom, the rest is history. But I have found that this new companion (the Internet) is taking up too much of my time. As a matter of fact, I am so smitten with this new side kick that I can’t seem to tend to other more pressing issues (like work, love and TV).

How else would I have found out that New York socialite Nan Kempner owned 106 bikinis, but wore a one-piece suit when attending the 70th birthday party for Malcolm Forbes? Who else would have informed me that Jennifer Lopez strolled the mean streets of Manhattan with boy toy Casper Smart in a see-through mesh top last week?

How lucky am I?

Truth be told this new companion has become my fondest addiction (it rivals Haagan Daz, which I feel is comparable to the Parthenon). But I am helpless to change my ways. This wired world has bestowed upon me a way to connect, reject, inform and be informed. It makes me laugh and allows me a voyeuristic view of friend’s vacations, lovers, likes and dislikes. It also gives me a ringside seat to heated discussions about gun control, presidential candidates and love (or lack of it).

Instead of cruising the Internet for the news of the day I can also opt for a more valuable commodity – my email messages. They come in torrents like a tsunami with compelling subjects like avoiding mental golf struggles, three ways to uncover my true self (I never thought I could be someone else’s self) and that Jet Blue is coming out with a new loyalty program called TrueBlue Mosaic (I would rather they make sure their pilots don’t jump out the window).

Things seem to be getting even more addicting for me on the Internet – I have discovered Facebook. I always thought that social media sites were for young people with unlimited energy and acne. But I found out it is more like the 21st century Town Square. Everyone gets to broadcast their most inner thoughts, likes and dislikes. My old friend Steven wants me to help him protect wildlife from illegal logging (I am on that one now), Paul showed me a carrot that looks like a V-Jay Jay (if you don’t know what that is ask Oprah) and Jim keeps sending me pictures of him on vacation (envy is a side effect of Facebook).

Now that I am figuring out how to fit my life into my passion I am faced with another hurdle – discount sites. Every day I am offered a low price on products and services I never realized I couldn’t live without. There’s an eco fiber mattress topper that might be nice, a dartboard cabinet set (I could use when trying to figure out how to read the 9,000 emails in my in-box and 200 unread magazines on my floor) and Qraft Glass Water Bottles that are BPA-free and wrapped in a silicone sleeve.

But right now I don’t have time to buy anything. I am too busy reading my emails. Daven Michaels of 123Employee just sent me an email about how I can make an extra $43,937.60 a year. I’m so glad Michaels is concerned about my finances because I have a lot of Facebook friends to keep up with.

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