Published On: Thu, Apr 28th, 2011

The Royal Flush

By: Diane Feen

They say location is everything. And you can bet your bottom dollar that Carole Middleton knew about this spatial relationship when she urged her daughter to attend the University of St. Andrews in Scotland.

History has a small window in this Royal Fairy Tale. Kate met William at school, they become friends and the next thing you know, they were living together (some say it had a lot to do with the see-through shift she modeled in a charity fashion show). But we all know that it was probably her shining personality that drew in the most eligible bachelor since time immemoriam.

Let’s face it, William is a good catch. He had a loving mother, a doting dad (albeit with giant ears and a history of infidelity) and a giant castle to roam about at his leisure. He will inherit the throne at Buckingham Palace someday and become a King. Even if he doesn’t have to wear a regal crown he does have excellent contacts and a chance to parlay his influence at whatever he sees fit.

William is also heir to the Balmoral Estate, which is 49,000 acres (eat your heart out, Hamptonites) and servants at his disposal. But despite this Royal pedigree William seems like a pretty decent guy.

Which makes Kate Middleton the envy of women everywhere (even in

Great Neck). She will never have to pay an electric bill or change cell phone carriers because her monthly charge went up. She will never have angst trying to get a dinner reservation or a hotel spa service. And chances are she will never have to power shop to find the perfect couch or TV stand.

She will, however, hold up trophies, perhaps boil a few noodles and stand around looking pretty and compassionate. In exchange for that inconvenience, she will have a lady in waiting (whatever that is), a house full of servants (when and if she wants them) and jewels fit for a Queen.

And that makes most of us in awe of a woman who can snag a nice guy who just happens to be a prince (to someone other than his mother).

When I think of what makes most of us gleeful, it all seems so banal.

St. Barts, fey. Aspen in December, who needs it? This woman has it

all – love, money, emotional and political support and very large closets. Who wouldn’t trade that for their finest cashmere sweaters or weekly therapy sessions?

Of course, Kate has to be seen in the proper light at all times. She will have to don spectacular hats and wear demure suits and dresses. But she won’t have to worry about alterations or matching shoes. And, she will have a dozen or more people to shop for her and do the alterations.

It all sounds so fabulous – the gilded parties, the magnificent charity balls and the romantic moonlit dinners. It’s just too much to contemplate. Let’s just say that our gal Kate hit gold. She makes Cinderella look like a poor needy munchkin.

All I can say to Kate is good luck. Enjoy your prince and all the royal things that come with your gilded life of privilege and patronage.

And to you who live in Boca Raton or Miami – just know that big hair, long nails and breast implants are not mandatory to catch a prince (or a nice guy).

And for that I am grateful to Kate.