Published On: Mon, May 22nd, 2023

AS THE ‘WORDSHINE MAN,’ I’M OFT TOLD: ‘THOU ART A SENTIMENTAL SUCKER FOR A SWEETIE PIE PITCH’

Classical Comrades Sancho Panza and Don Quixote

The classical literary drone lands quietly, seductively in my inbox bearing this enticing subject line: “We are Robin to your Batman, Watson to your Sherlock.”

The beguiling cleverness hooks me. Captures me, for I’m a sucker for classical cleverness.  Once, I wrote how important subject lines were to capturing recipient’s attention, so they’ll be inspired to read your email.  You’ll find that flicker of wisdom in my latest book, WORDSHINE MAN.  And now her subject line sinks in . . . to me!

Alice’s genteel grabbers did the trick in her email pitching her software solutions enterprise in, where is she?  Delaware.  And to me it might just as well have come from Wonderland for the charismatic seller’s name is Alice.

The temptress Alice went on to seduce me saying this was a cold hard email from a silky software development company specializing in creating personalized software solutions for nonother than his majesty, his royal highness, me!!

“We offer a no-cost one-week proof of concept,” she writes smartly, cogently, and coquettishly cute and addictively engaging.  Then comes the most alluring finale: “Would you like to hear more?”

I feel an urge to respond forthright and fire back just as creatively to this divine Delawarean as I was instantly smitten as Romeo was by Juliet.

So like a hooded Robin, I quickly lift an arrow from my clever quiver and fire back at her wondrous wit.

“Hi Alice in Wonderland.  I must say great messages like yours tempt me to no end!  Entreat me.  Complete me.  But when it comes to software solutions, I am a Sancho Panza to your Don Quixote, or dare I call you Dame Quixote. 

“Actually, I’m considering becoming publisher of a digital magazine called Boomer Times targeting retired Quixotes and Panzas still alive and swimming, snacking away before sacking out in their Fortress Florida condos, but for their subscriptions, I feel I might have charge oceanfront windmills. 

I may be a brave knight on the PR roundtable, but software is not my strong suit. 

As I was once upon a time a knightly reporter for The Philadelphia Inquirer, I inquire “How much longer than a week can you work payless for a knight short of shining armor, and alas, without much coin of the realm in his sidesaddle? 

“A month or two, pray tell?  Perhaps till this matador tames enough bulls and cows to climb aboard his digital donkey?   

“And btw, located as you are up in Delaware, do you live anywhere near where Sancho Biden kept classified documents in his imperial garage?” I inquire. 

My bovine humor must have laid a big fat egg, however, as I never heard back.

Too bad, my fair lady Alice, we could have had a software solution soiree together.  So, I bid thee fond farewell, my foxy lady marketer.  

Adieu, my Alice in Wonderland.   

Tom Madden is a swordsman with words cutting off unnecessary adverbs and slashing nonsensical metaphors as he thrusts home blog after blog, book after book, including is latest Wordshine Man.  When not writing, he’s making his PR clients famous at TransMedia Goup.

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