Mar-a-Lago Empire
America’s Most Famous Throne of Contention
BY
THOMAS J. Madden
FADE IN:
INT RITZY PALM BEACH RESTAURANT — LUNCH TIME
George Belweather, chairman of the Palm Beach Historical Society, at table with attorney Frank Cravat whose law firm represents billionaire Donald J. Trump, circa 1980s.
GEORGE
Thanks again for having lunch with me. There’s something important we want to bring to Donald’s attention, knowing how much he loves Palm Beach, preserving history and building fortunes.
FRANK
My pleasure to finally meet you in person. As you, I’m a big fan of preserving history.
GEORGE
We want Mr. Trump to focus on what we on this island treasure not only as historical but the ultimate in cultural opulence, Mar-a-Lago.
FRANK
Yes, of course, I know about it as once the palatial estate of Marjorie Merriweather Post.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT — ELEGANT BALLROOM AT MAR-A-LAGO CIRCA 1920s
Elegantly attired ladies and gentlemen are dancing gayly as hostess Mrs. Post watches in pure delight as tuxedoed gentleman beside her speaks.
MAYOR ERROL CONNERS
Another triumph, Mrs. Post, for which Good Samaritan Hospital will once again be so grateful to your ladyship for your largess.
Suddenly there’s a loud noise as dozens of FBI agents barge into Mar-a-Lago’s ballroom.
MAYOR CONNERS
What’s the meaning of this intrusion. How dare you burst into Mrs. Marjorie Merriweather Post’s residence in this crude manner.
FBI CHIEF BIDEN
Sir, there are reports of top-secret documents stored unsafely in this residence of Mr. Trump and we have obtained a legal search warrant to find and retrieve these files taken unlawfully from The White House.
And who is this Mrs. Post?
MAYOR CONNERS
Her ladyship Mrs. Post is the lawful owner of this residence since the early 1920s and you are invading her property, and you must leave immediately or I as mayor of this town shall summon the police and place you all under arrest for breaking and entry.
FBI CHIEF BIDEN
(Noticing how everyone’s dressed like it’s the roaring 20’s) Wait a minute. What year is this? Is this not Palm Beach August 26, 2022?
MRS POST
I’ll have you know, sir, this is the year of our Lord, 1924 and you’re invading a party benefitting our local hospital, Good Samaritan.
FBI CHIEF
Fellas, were in the right residence, but wrong decade. Let’s get out of here. Sorry, Mrs . . .
MAYOR CONNERS
She’s Mrs. Marjorie Merriweather Post. You’ve heard of Post Cereals, per chance?
FBI CHIEF BIDEN
Eat ‘em every day, love ‘em, Mrs. Post. Sorry we’re in the wrong time zone. We’ll get out and please forgive us.
And if you see Mr. Trump, tell him we’ll be back! Goodbye.
END OF CRAZY ACT 1
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