By: Dale King
I’m shocked! Let me repeat that. I’m shocked!
My wife and I went to breakfast the other day at Dunkin’ Donuts. We ordered two reduced fat blueberry muffins, warmed up with butter; an iced coffee for her, a hot coffee for me. When I got the receipt, I saw something that I found very hard to believe.
Right on that little piece of paper was written “2 butters,” and next to it, “54 cents.”
As the news editor at my college newspaper used to say, “What’s the story here?” Am I being told to pay for that smear of butter on the muffins? I didn’t ask for an awful lot. And how do you determine the cost of a smear? Maybe I should have gone to Einstein Bagels instead.
Well, I asked the girl behind the counter, “Is this something new?” She said, “No, we’ve been doing it for a long time.”
I guess this is one of the little perks in life that we used to get for free, but now have to pay for. Remember when you could get free air at a gas station? Do you recall the days when a call to Directory Assistance had no cost?
I don’t know if every Dunkin’ Donuts in the world does this, and I’m not trying to indict an entire chain based on the actions of one store. But I think a little dab of butter on a muffin is pretty much standard fare and not a luxury. I suppose I could have eaten the muffin without butter – which would have pleased my diabetes doctor – but I just thought a muffin with butter was sort of a tradition.
I hope this additional charge for butter doesn’t spread (Yes, pun intended). I have yet to go out for dinner to a restaurant where I was charged extra for the butter that came with the bread. Some Italian restaurants even bring an olive oil concoction or cheese spread for your bread or rolls – with no additional fee.
Can you imagine the embarrassment of rolling up to a fast-food restaurant’s drive-thru and having this conversation?
Me: I’d like a hamburger please.
Voice from inside: Do you want that on a bun?
Me: Doesn’t that come with a bun?
Voice from inside: Not any more. The bun is extra – 27 cents for each slice. You want it open face? It will save you money.
Me: (grumbling), No, I’ll pay for the entire bun. Can I get a Diet Coke with that?
Voice from inside: You want ice in that Diet Coke?
Me: Forget it!
A similar thing could happen when you order a pizza.
Me: I’d like to order a cheese pizza, please.
Clerk: Do you want that with tomato sauce?
Me: Of course, isn’t that what a pizza is all about?
Clerk: No, we’ve decided to make tomato sauce an extra item. It’s 27 cents more.
Me: Suppose I don’t pay for the tomato sauce?
Clerk: Then you’ll just get a big round piece of bread with a hunk of cheese on it.
Me: OK, hurry up; I want to get home before it gets cold.
Clerk: Oh, you want a HOT pizza. That’s going to cost extra.
Me: Forget it!
I was trying to imagine how bad this could get if Obamacare comes into the picture. Let’s go back to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Me: Hi, I’d like a muffin, please.
Clerk: Would you like butter on that, sir?
Me: How much extra is that going to be?
Clerk: Well, if you get the muffin with butter, it’s 27 cents. If you get the muffin without butter, there’s a tax of $2.00.
Me: Is that a penalty or a tax?
Clerk: You’ll have to ask the Supreme Court.