Use all the words you want. They can never be taxed.
By Diane Feen
It’s a tough time to be in the work force. Businesses are cutting back – there’s little job security (they can ship your job to India while you’re on your lunch break) and your annual bonus might be a clean napkin or a slice of pizza.
But there is one thing that is recession proof – words.
You can still have a conversation without someone telling you, “your time is up” (unless you’re in therapy), you can still call a credit card company and hear your account balance without an additional charge and you can still yell at your loved ones without them sending you a bill (hopefully).
Another good part of this word-free zone is that it includes humor. You can make fun of bankers (who need Hazmats to rid themselves of toxic assets), Botox babes (who seem to enjoy their assets frozen) and men who get caught with their pants down (literally).
The best part about humor is that the federal government is not going to tax it, the airport security staff will not make you take it off before you go through the metal detector (if your shoes are funny, that’s another story) and you can always tuck it away when in the presence of humorless folks (and it won’t make a bulge in your waistband).
Let’s face it, we can do without $45,000 BMW’s, $9,000 leather coats and $600 dinners, but can we do without humor? I think not. Why else would Jay Leno and David Letterman make more than the president of the United States and why would Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert be racking up Emmy’s and accolades as if they were martini olives?
I’ll tell you why – because when you laugh your endorphins are activated (similar to when you fall in love without the need for jewelry), it’s good for weight loss – you can’t eat as much when your mouth is busy and it fills the air with positive ions (that counterbalances things like infidelity and home foreclosures).
Of course, if you’re in the middle of a messy divorce with a liar or alcoholic, you don’t want to be funny (he may want you back), and if your boss says, “You’ll get a raise when business improves,” just smile and start looking for another job. Stretching the truth is similar to stretching a pair of tight pumps – it never works.
The best part of being funny is that you can have fun without your boss saying, “We’re cutting out the excess humor in the budget.” If humor is inappropriate (or not allowed) at your workplace you can just tuck it in your shoes until it is safe to let it out.
Another good thing about humor is that it is recession proof. Whoopi Goldberg has a plum job on The View and she usually looks like she just cleaned the toilets, Larry the Cable Guy is worth almost as much money as Bill Gates and Shrek movies are held in as much esteem as Gone with the Wind.
Let’s face it, they can take away our blackberries (but not our strawberries and blueberries), they can take away our corner offices and expense accounts, but no one can extract your words. You get to keep them regardless of how far the Dow drops (notepads and staplers are a different story) or how bad the balance sheet looks.
That’s the great thing about words. You can twist them, misuse them, throw them at incoming traffic and you won’t be fined or get a disconnect date. They also won’t go down in value regardless of the GNP or the Dow 500.
And you can’t say that about a lot of things these days – especially GM stock and a Toyota Prius.