Ep. 32: The Power Of Your Mind
Sex, Lust & Love…What Matters?
This month I decided to write about the power of our minds and the stories we tell ourselves, and how this shapes our world. I hope you enjoy the diversion from sex, lust, and love! 🙂
The Power of Your Mind
Since I write about men and relationships, I tend to follow dating gurus from around the world. One such guru from the UK, Matthew Hussey, recently posted a video about loneliness and it got me thinking. How often are people lonely? How do they typically deal with it and where do they go for help?
Matthew is a young and vibrant twenty something dating and motivational coach for women. He offers tips about how to relate to men and how to “get the guy.” By all appearances he seems very happy and fulfilled. He’s creating a successful career helping women find love, so the assumption is – he himself is happy.
In his recent video, he told the story of how he arrived home after a live event feeling lonely and isolated. Having been to one of his live talks, I can’t imagine him feeling down. He puts on a show that could rival any rock concert. He infuses energy and excitement into the crowd and you leave feeling on top of the world.
We all know that even the happiness motivational coaches feel lonely and down at times but we forget this and buy into the false belief that they have something we don’t. That they have somehow conquered the loneliness that sometimes creeps into all of our lives. They must be immune to it, we tell ourselves, and so we strive to gain what they have and yet it seems to consistently elude us. Even worse, we often berate ourselves for not living up to their standards.
In his video, Hussey suggests that one way to combat this loneliness is to find other people who are feeling the same way in the hopes of finding comfort and commiseration.
While I think he was very brave for admitting his loneliness, I disagree with the idea of finding others to commiserate with. I believe it’s a terrible idea to find a “support” group for whatever is bothering you. The worst thing you can do is find other people with whom you can complain to and who understand your pain. Not only does this keep your story alive and well, it also brings you more of what you don’t want.
I’m a firm believer that we create and bring everything to us – the good, the bad, and the amazing.
Our beliefs and the repetitive words we tell ourselves over and over again are what are creating our lives. We may not even be consciously aware of these stories, but if we pay attention to our thoughts, we’ll notice that they’re matching our perceived reality.
If you believe that what you think/talk/worry/complain about –you bring about, then I wouldn’t find a support group unless you want to keep creating the same thing. If you keep talking about what is and how things are now, then you can rest assured that you’ll get more of exactly what you’ve got now. If you’re happy with your life and love the results you’re getting, then definitely keep talking about it. But if you’re not, I’d suggest changing your mind, feelings, and beliefs, which will thereby change what you bring into your experience.
How you feel right now and what you believe right now is creating your future, so if you’re forever living in the past and complaining about what you don’t have, then you will consistently keep bringing the same to you.
It’s a practice and a process but one that gets easier the more you pay conscious attention to your thoughts and the stories you’re telling yourself. Most of us think we are spending our time thinking and talking about what we want and what makes us happy.
We rarely do this.
I would challenge you to pay very close attention to the words you use and the thoughts you’re thinking even just for 5-10 minutes. If you have to, write down what you’re telling yourself and what you’re thinking so you can clearly see what you’re focusing on. My guess is that your mind takes you right back to yesterday’s worries and concerns or that person or situation that’s troubling you. You find yourself ruminating over the problem, trying to come up with a logical solution. This leads to replaying the problem or issue over and over again in your mind. This is exactly what I’m referring to. You are not spending your time thinking about what you want and what makes you happy. You’re spending the majority of your time thinking about the problem, and rationalizing that you must do this to find a solution.
When you first begin truly paying attention to the stories you’re repeating in your mind, you’ll find it difficult to redirect those thoughts toward what you do want. For whatever reason, humans struggle to think about and talk about what they want, as well as what makes them happy. It is more natural for us to find others to complain to in the hopes that they’ll join in on our problems and share some of their own. We tell ourselves that this is good because people can “relate” to us and we then think we’re bonding with them.
Try this very small, but significant task.
The next time you’re in an elevator or a confined space with a stranger, watch how you instinctively want to complain about something to sort of “bond” with the person. You will most likely have to stop yourself from saying something negative and purposely say something positive such as commenting on the nice weather or the enjoyable event you’re both attending. Notice how you almost feel uncomfortable purposefully saying something positive. It’s as if you naturally want to say a negative statement or a statement of some frustration that you may both be feeling, such as how slow the elevator is or how hot it is in the building etc.
Notice how if you mention something annoying, the other person immediately jumps on the bandwagon with you and begins complaining about similar things. Also take note to how people respond when you purposely say something positive; there may be an air of uneasiness from the other person, but you’ll probably find that the other person also sees something good in the situation.
You may begin to see that once you start changing your story and the things you think and talk about, negative people will begin to move out of your experience and more positive ones will move in.
This process can be used and is effective for any area of our lives such as: money, relationships, success, intimacy, and health. Your beliefs are what are creating what you’re currently experiencing as your life.
The more conscious you are of having good thoughts and words that you repeat to yourself and others, the more your life will change for the better and you’ll begin to see and experience the wonders and miracles of everyday life.
Good luck and leave me a comment below about how things are changing for the better!