Published On: Mon, Jun 22nd, 2015

Ep. 21: Thin is Not in

Sex, Lust & Love…What Matters?

ragazza di schiena sulla spiaggia


Women have forever scrutinized their bodies based on what’s considered hot in Hollywood or the news. American models have gone from an average size 8 to an emaciated size 0. Who drives this, I’m not sure, but the majority of men do not want a skinny woman who resembles Olive Oyl. They may like her sweet nature and the way she loves Popeye, but they don’t find her body type all that attractive.

Considering Marilyn Monroe wore a size 8-10 and is considered to be one of the sexiest women of all time, I believe most men find a slightly more voluptuous woman extremely attractive.

Confidence aside, average or voluptuous appears to be men’s favorite body type but the media would have women believe otherwise.

Some men argue that women actually struggle to be skinny to impress other women, not men. In the same way men try to impress their male friends, some women try to be the skinniest or the hottest of their friends. Why are we spending so much time and energy trying to be so darn skinny when most men don’t even care for that look?

So I decided to ask men what body type is their favorite and why?

I asked 120 men this question and 68 of them said, “Curvy and soft so that there’s something to hold on to.” Unless the man was an athlete himself, he had no interest in a woman with an athletic body type. Some men said that if she’s so lean then it’s like being with a man and she doesn’t seem womanly. Men like softness and some fat to hold on to. From a man’s perspective, a woman’s natural softness is extremely attractive; for most women, softness equates to fat and rolls and something they will go to desperate measures to conceal.

A 43-year-old married musician from NYC said, “I like a woman with more flesh and curves on her because it’s just so much sexier than a skinny girl. Men like curves because they are womanly, it’s one of the best things about women.”

“I want a woman with a little meat on her, not some skinny thing where all I feel is bones when I touch her.”- A 56-year-old married Investment Analyst from New Jersey.

According to a study in the, Beauty summed up: To tell if a woman’s really attractive, it’s all in the figures, female attractiveness comes down to the perfect waist to hip ratio. Regardless of a woman’s size, men find the ratio of a woman’s waist to hips to be the most attractive at .70. In other words, if your waist is 70% of the size of your hips, you’re ideal in his mind. Studies show that biological signals are sent to men when they see this ratio causing them to perceive the woman to be more fertile and perhaps a better mate for having healthy children.

Interestingly enough, the same study found that women were more drawn to leaner men, almost effeminate, because women equate that body type to more caring and gentle qualities.

Two men I interviewed mentioned the body type of Selma Hayek as being voluptuous and ideal. Google says she is 5’2” and weighs 124 lbs. I know some women who are 6 inches taller than her and strive to weigh close to that and would consider themselves “fat” if they approached 130 lbs.

This ideal waist-to-hip ratio of .70 is better recognized as Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Marilyn Monroe and Kate Moss. You can also take your waist measurement and divide it by your hip measurement to see how close you are to .70, the sweet spot for most men.

A 37-year-old married writer from Seattle, WA shared: “I like a woman who is more substantial, but not huge and not too skinny. A woman who is a little bigger is so much more attractive to a man than an overly skinny or an extremely obese woman.”

It seems that men want the average healthy woman, which I find refreshing. The trick for women is to feel attractive and good about themselves when they’re at a healthy weight, not underweight.

One married gentleman in his mid 40’s from NYC shared: “As long as the woman is comfortable in her own skin and feels good about herself, then men will find her extremely attractive. It doesn’t matter if she’s a size 4 or 14, if she thinks she looks good, then we think she looks good. That confidence is much more attractive than any specific body type.”

Although there are men out there who do find the athletic and the skinny woman attractive, the majority of men that I interviewed, and that I know personally, prefer a woman who clearly has a womanly figure. There are boob and butt men for sure, but most of them want one or the other.

One of my male friends once said to me, “Be careful, you’re getting too skinny, no man wants to be with a woman that looks like a ten year old boy.”

It’s time we embrace our few extra pounds and realize that they are part of being female and that men actually love it about us. Obviously being healthy is the most important goal here, but obsessing over an extra 5-10 pounds might be a waste of time. Men seem to find that little extra weight more appealing.

At the heart of this, for most women, is the question of whether she can feel confident no matter what her weight is. If you’re trying to look like Olive Oyl for him, you might want to save yourself the aggravation. Embracing your body the way it is, is precisely one of the things he finds so attractive about you, and ideally you want to strive to feel good for you, not anyone else.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave me a comment below.

I’m open to hearing questions from both men and women, please send them to:

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Twitter: @onehundred_men

See their full answers about relationships, women and sex in my upcoming book, “One Hundred Men.”

If you missed the introduction to this column, join me every week as I reveal men’s answers to hundreds of interview questions regarding women, relationships and what really matters to men.

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