The Holidays – “Every Year is Different”

I am a parent of five young adult children (ranging from19-29 years old) who were completely mainstreamed in school academics, athletics, and social interaction. The onset of delayed mental illness has been de-stabilizing to the entire family. Our family had ‘no learning curve’ or expectation for a mental condition which can start in young life. This Holiday Season is certainly going to be different from those of the past. There is a reason.

This year, three of my sons who had never displayed any mental health symptoms developed serious mental conditions. I am a professional who found myself stretched to capacity in dealing with the changing behaviors of the sons I so dearly loved.

• My 20-year-old became obsessive/compulsive about many daily things and his life became ritualized with pattern of behavior that focused primarily on food. He became acutely bulimic and disabled to function at all (including inability to speak).  He spent two months in an inpatient treatment program and now actively works daily at ‘full recovery’.

• My 27-year-old started to display paranoia that caused him to move three times because he was convinced the government was spying on him. He is in out-patient recovery now.

• My 29-year-old became isolated and solitary after breaking off with a long-standing girlfriend.  He quickly deteriorated into catatonia (unable to eat…lost 37 lbs, unable to sleep…becoming delusional, unable to wash himself…becoming visually indigent).  He was placed into a mental health facility getting significant medical attention and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

The remaining two siblings have been jolted by the seemingly simultaneous mental health deterioration of their ‘three wonderful brothers’. They have tried to understand while also keeping a safe distance so as not to be completely overwhelmed and consumed by their brothers’ derailments.  I am glad for their resilience.

As a parent, the sudden, unexpected, onset of mental health issues has been over-whelming.  I have come to learn that these types of challenges do emerge in young adults (in their 20s).  The disbelief, confusion, denial, learning curve of the mental issue and mental health options, acceptance, and processing the “journey” with courage, love, conviction can only be done with support for both the patient and family caregivers. There is support for everyone…we are not alone!  The professional resources do exist right here in Boca.  There are friends and professionals who share.  I have found both and that has made a difference for me and my family.

I was advised to reach out to the local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) for support.  Then I learned what it means to become BOCA BRAVE.  I found Breaking The Silence can be therapeutic and doing so has introduced me to resources and services right here in Boca Raton.  Finding friends can make a difference in the lives of caregiving loves ones.  I know, I am one!  I remember many holidays of yesteryear. This one is different and I am ready to embrace it with all it’s challenges and blessings mixed in together.

I choose to remain closeted primarily for my sons’ identities (as young adults) who are trying to make professional and social paths for themselves. This is because the stigma is so great in our community and I want to protect them in the workplace.  I am a local professional with a visual community presence, yet my career identity is not my concern. As a parent, your desire to foster their rehabilitation and growth overshadows professional and personal concerns.

Writing this is my way to becoming BOCA BRAVE.  Thank you for reading and know your are not alone in coping with mental illness among loved ones.  Reach out and become BOCA BRAVE!

Happy Holidays!

Maria Kay

Boca Brave is a campaign to ‘break the silence’ for mental health to raise awareness to support youth and their families in our community who are struggling with such ‘hidden challenges’. For more information and learn how to become a Boca Brave conversation starter, visit BocaRatonsPromise.org, LIKE BOCA BRAVE on Facebook or call 561.395.3063.