No Intimidation, Nor Retaliation!
By. Dr. Synesio Lyra, Jr.
There are good ways and bad for everything persons do. People who choose the good ways often succeed, and that stimulates them in continually improving that which is already good! Those who embrace bad ways only see their attempts going from bad to worse till they reach the point of no return!
In human relations it’s no different, and it happens too often. Some people operate totally unconcerned with well-tested conventional procedures, only to find themselves in undesirable, unnecessary conflicts with others, when its opposite is equally viable!
There are persons who become so convinced of their methods as the only valid ones in multiple situations, that they make themselves nearly impossible to relate. They will employ manipulation, intimidation, and even retaliation to force compliance with their personal choices and ways.
Others make themselves difficult to negotiate with if they are asked to repeat something they had already stated, but which still requires further explanation. Yet, full clarity more often comes when there is healthy patience in making clearer whatever may have been communicated earlier. Experts in human relations have often alluded to what some classify as “I messages” and “you messages” which can occur in personal interactions.
The “I messages” are truly acceptable, as they foster continual, positive conversation, because they are not intimidating. They’re a most valid way of expressing one’s feelings instead of making unfair, unjust accusations in a dialogue, without the benefit of the full picture. Yet, mere suspicions never solve anything; they only add more fuel to a fire that can be easily extinguished before major damage is caused!
The “you messages” are negative in nature, because they just point accusatory fingers at the other person, erroneously presuming what is not the true case, along with too many generalizations which kill the facts. The complainer usually blasts “You always…” or “You never…” which in either case is a false exaggeration. They shut the door for constructive understanding and dialogue, on account of creating intimidation!
For personal and communal benefits, create and maintain a mature climate, a healthy ambiance of trust among those you deal with, avoiding at all costs any unnecessary, disruptive intimidation or destructive retaliation!
