Published On: Sat, Apr 12th, 2014

The First Time

By Clay Robinson

When working with young adults, I try to help them prepare for a wide variety of issues that may occur at some point in life.  While listening to an old familiar song on the radio the other day, I began to reflect on my own life.  As my thoughts bounced from the good and the not so good, I reflected back on some of the conversations I’ve had during group sessions.   I thought about the variances between males and females and how our early experiences set a path for both parties base on our first encounter, be it love or lust.

The first time is based on different things for all of us, yet the outcomes can be so similar.  What was your first time like?  Were you in love, thinking that he/she was perfect for you and you felt like this was the beginning of the rest of your life?  Or was it a sexual conquest with no intentions of maintaining a relationship?  It really doesn’t matter what our individual reasoning was, the thing that matters most is the outcome.  As you reflect now, what would you have done differently?

Exactly what is expected from two young people in their teens or early twenties?  Personally, I don’t know many young males or females that truly have an extended outlook on life.  Most young people naturally see things short term.  The first time can be long term whether you want it to be or not.  Aside from a child that is brought into a relationship doomed to fail, there are also emotional consequences.    Sometimes the first time leaves a person so hurt that they turn to drugs or alcohol; they feel worthless, become abusive to themselves or to others.  There are far too many poor choices to address at this time, but these are some of the many things to think about.  Don’t get me wrong, being negatively impacted by an intimate relationship can happen at any age, but sometimes depending on our age and life experiences, we may be better equipped mentally to handle those situations.

I remember when I was 17 years old my brother Al, age 19, was close friends with a young man by the name of Bill. Bill was a very bright young man who did well in school and came from a good family.  He fell in love for the first time at age 19 and his first time turned out to be his last. When the relationship with the young lady didn’t work out, Bill put a shot gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.  His father found his body.

I have also been told countless other stories of young love going wrong and ending up in everything from assaults to suicide when those relationships are coming to an end or have already ended.  And of course let’s not forget all of the single parent situations and kids living in poverty due to those first time love and lust situations.

We never know how things will end, but parents need to educate young people more about love and lust.  I know it’s sometimes hard to make them understand the ramifications of not looking past the now and into the future, especially when they truly believe that this is their future.  When they can’t see past the point of this love relationship or simply the lust they feel at that moment, just remind them that a lifetime can depend on the very first time!

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